On Being Lectured to by Mick Wallace and Lorraine Higgins…


I’m not the better for that, I can tell you.  That was twice in two days this week that I’ve had my flabber gasted.


You would think that with living in Ireland I would be immune to that sort of thing, but no.  Senator Lorraine Higgins and the ghastly Wexford Independent TD Mick Wallace came out and floored me with a one-two.  We’ll get to the Lovely Lorraine and her Lawless Utopias in a moment, though.  First off, let’s try to get our heads around the walking mass of sheer hard neck that is Wallace.

Mick has gotten himself into a right old state altogether over Noirín O’Sullivan landing herself the job as the new Garda Commissioner.   Sounding incredulous and altogether fair put-out, Wallace informed us:

“I applied for the job but didn’t get an interview.  I got an acknowledgement of my application.  I did not get an interview…”

He applied for the job and didn’t get an interview but he did get an acknowledgement.  Bloody Hell, it’s been a while since Wallace was grubbing out with the rest of us, isn’t it?  What gave him the impression that in order to be given a job all you have to do is send in your up-to-date C.V.?  I think that most people in the country who are currently looking for work would assure him that he was one of the sodding lucky ones to get an acknowledgement!

As to the *ahem* qualifications that would make him a fine Commissioner– well, he does have rather an intimate knowledge of law, I’ll give him that.

Remember, this is the shining example of Law & Order who only a few years ago admitted to threatening to hire a hit man in order to recover €20,000 from a building contractor. Nice.  Probably the only thing that stopped him following up with this outrageous boast was that it would have meant breaking off breakfast, dinner and tea fine-dining with his lady friend and fellow Independent Clare Daly.  We must be thankful for small mercies.

And of course Wallace is no stranger to owing shed loads of loot himself.  Let’s not forget that he deliberately—deliberately, mind you—chose in his wisdom to under declare €1.4 million of VAT to his construction company for apartment sales.  And yet there he sits openly and shamelessly in the Dail, lecturing others on the Law. Not that he’s even consistent in that.  This is a guy who is able to take unlimited time off in order to follow soccer games in far-flung lands.  Maybe he was researching crime in South America, the better to enable him to act as Commissioner in Ireland.

Friend to the ordinary person?  I don’t think so.  He’s laughing at us.  He can’t even be bothered to run a razor over four-day stubble or put on a decent shirt.  Yeah, I’d love to be represented by this fella, and no mistake.

And Mick, the Revenue Commissioners still want their money.  If I had owed them one euro and four cents I would have been hauled into court long ago.

O’Sullivan’s appointment now means that our justice system is completely run by women.  I have no idea if that’s a good thing or a bad one yet, but let’s give her at least a chance.  And certainly, let’s not be influenced by this self-regarding hypocrite.

And Talking About Self- Regarding…

…Senator Lorraine Higgins was another one getting herself in a lather over Ireland’s descent into a ‘lawless utopia’.  Good thing she doesn’t live in—just for example—France.  Still, before she thought it wise to lecture the little people on points of philosophy, you would have imagined that she would have taken the time to pick the right word for the sound bite that sadly saw a metaphorical water balloon blow right up in her face.

Those who are kinder than I am are saying that perhaps she meant to use ‘dystopia’. I doubt it.   She added:  “I understand people are hurting, but the way to show how they feel is through the democratic process and peaceful protest.”

The old democratic process, eh?  Well, let me see:  off the top of my head the people have used their democratic right three times now (or is it four?) to show that they don’t want you representing them, Lorraine.  That didn’t stop Enda hoisting you on us by installing you as a Senator…which, let’s be honest, wasn’t exactly democratic at all.

I am indebted to the lady who pointed out that the average twelve-year-old now knows the difference between a utopia and a dystopia thanks to the success of The Hunger Games films and books.

There you go, Lorraine:  the average twelve-year-old is smarter than you; but I knew that already.  You’ve taken that ‘Lovely Lorraine’ tag a bit too literally, I’m afraid.  It’s meant to be ironic, you see.  We really don’t like you and wish you would go away right now.

Or at least stop talking.